Life can take you by surprise, it can also put you through hell. My fate was never my own to deal with. It was ruined before I even had a chance. It was a rough start and it hasn’t gotten much better. Hiding behind the walls of my room is how I get through each day. Destroyed doesn’t even begin to describe the way my life has been.
Finally, I get away and things are looking up. Of course nothing can go right and some things are just too much to bear. In comes the one thing I can’t have. I’ve read so many books and I know the drill. Rock stars and musicians are not for me. I can’t hide when they are always in the light. Something about him makes me want to step into that light, though. He is constantly bringing me to new levels and places I could never imagine.
The secrets I’ve tried to keep to myself are breaking into my new life. Having him around is helping but the outside world ruins us as well. I either have to take the chance and let him in or push him away once and for all. Every time I pull away he is right back here pushing his way back in. He is relentless, he is everything I shouldn’t have. Those secrets I tried to keep hidden begin to surface, bringing havoc to our lives. The world so desperately wants to keep us apart and I might just let it to keep my secrets.
Do I sit back and let the world pass me by or do I finally let those wounds heal and have the life he thinks I deserve?
“Fate, don’t over think anything, okay? I have no agenda here. We are friends. I understand that’s what you need and want.” His words are like something from my own head but they are a bit off.
“What I need is you to be my friend, but what I want is something completely different.” I hear his breath catch and I quickly try to repair the damage I’ve done. “I know I’m not the kind of girl you go for, but you’re a rock star, can’t blame a girl, can you?” I say, trying to come off as joking.
“What do you want from me, Fate? I need you to lay it out for me because sometimes I’m just not sure with you and I don’t ever want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable around me.” He is putting me on the spot and the attention begins to get to me.
“Dinner,” I say, trying to remind him of his early rush to get something to eat.
“You mean a date?” he says with a grin and I know he’s trying to get a read on me. It’s what Cameron does. Since I have been here, I’ve been watching him. Even when I wasn’t talking to him all that time, I couldn’t help it. He just looked so withdrawn, which seemed to be so unlike him. At night in my room, I’d look at pictures of him and his band. He looked so at peace on stage, it’s his happy place. I had to know what someone like that had to prove by being the way he was to me. I couldn’t shake him off.
“I don’t know how to date, I’ve never even had a friend. I don’t let people in or let them even touch me. It’s the way I’ve survived.” I can see my words are hurting him but they need to be said. “I can’t make any promises. Each step is a new one and they all have to be small.”
He looks hopeful and that brings me the feelings I was wanting. “But I’m willing to try.”
“I’m going to be the good guy. I don’t want you to think my intentions aren’t pure here. So I will be your friend.” His words make my heart sink. I try to keep my face straight and I know I’m failing miserably. “It’s not because I don’t want more. Trust me, that’s the farthest from the truth here, but I won’t rush this and risk screwing it up again.” I could just lean over and touch him but just the thought of contact is driving my heart into overdrive.
“You challenge me, McAlister, I like that about you. Don’t back off too much, okay?”
“Sometimes you have to push through the pain, right?” His eyes light up and I know he’s trying to figure out if that was just a coincidence. “Only then will you see the truth behind it.”
“Fate...I know you don’t enjoy music. How?” he whispers to me.
“I printed out all the lyrics. I read them, I didn’t listen. I’m just not there yet. That could never happen. I don’t know if I will get there. So I’m just not sure how this will work but...I’m willing to leave it all behind for a chance.”
“Stop, please.” He looks as if he’s in so much pain and I worry that this may be a trigger for him similar to how touching is for me.
“I’m sorry, I thought you’d be happy. I never meant to bring up anything to cause you such pain, Cameron.” I walk away and sit on the couch, putting my hands in my lap. Within a few seconds, he’s sitting next to me. I see him go to reach his hand to touch my leg, but he stops himself.
“Fate, it isn’t a bad memory. You have no idea what it means that you put yourself through that shit to read my words. Then to hear you say them to me and not just reading them but using them as a direction for your life, well, that just breaks me. I will never push, but I want to comfort you and I just don’t know how.”
Connect with Gracie:
Look for her in the trees enjoying nature’s wonders, traveling to see the latest animal conservations, or at aquariums all around the world. This girl loves nature and all animals. She has many pets and is always adding new editions. The more the merrier in her mind. Sitting under the shade reading a book, letting the world around her pass by, while she is safe in her bubble of imagination. Well that is where she’d love to stay. She is a softball player, can be talked into the occasional Karaoke and loves going out to dance. She is a first generation Canadian living in Ontario. Her family is from Scotland, so finding her in the hot sun for very long is unlikely, but give her rain and thunderstorms and she’s golden.